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The chart shows the percentage of males and females in Australia who were overweight from 1980 to 2010 v.2

The chart shows the percentage of males and females in Australia who were overweight from 1980 to 2010 v. 2
The given bar graph illustrates how number of overweight Australians changes over 30-year period between 1980 and 2010 divided by gender. Overall, it is noticeable that the proportion of overweight people had increased from 1980 to 2010. As shown in chart, both ratios of Australia, s men and women citizens who were plumb followed an upward trend during the given 30 years. Rate of heavy female compared to overall population in Australia grew gradually from about 32% from 1980 to around 53% in the year 2010. Likewise, it is obviously seen that number of male population with similar body weight condition also showed a marked increase during the first 20 years of time period from 40% reaching its peak at approximately 66%. By contrast, the percentage of overweight Australian man slipped back slightly to 61% in 2010. In conclusion, it is clear that number of Australian people of two genders getting fat were rising dramatically over the provided period of 30 years.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph illustrates how number of overweight Australians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
30-year
period between 1980 and 2010 divided by gender.

Overall
, it is noticeable that the proportion of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had increased from 1980 to 2010. As shown in chart, both ratios of Australia, s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women citizens who were plumb followed an upward trend during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
30 years.

Rate of heavy female compared to
overall
population in Australia grew
gradually
from about 32% from 1980 to around 53% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010.
Likewise
, it is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that number of male population with similar body weight condition
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a marked increase during the
first
20 years of time period from 40% reaching its peak at approximately 66%. By contrast, the percentage of overweight Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
slipped back
slightly
to 61% in 2010.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that number of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of two genders getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
were rising
dramatically
over the provided period of 30 years.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of males and females in Australia who were overweight from 1980 to 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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