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The graph below shows how prices of 'high-tech gadgets' changed over time in Somecountry. v.2

The graph below shows how prices of 'high-tech gadgets' changed over time in Somecountry. v. 2
The given graph gives information about the changes of the prices regarding the high-tech devices (Navigation systems and Smart phones) in Somecountry during two years and a half (from the second part of 2004 to the end of 2006). The units are measured in US dollars. Overall, the both gadgets followed almost the same pattern only about 1000 dollars apart. Specifically, the highest price of both occured in the second half of 2004, while the lowest price was in 2006, where both of them met. In terms of the Navigation systems, it reached a peak of just below $4000 in 2004 and thereafter declined throughout 2005 with prices considerably more than $3000. At the turn of 2005 there was a moderate rise to almost $3500 but at that point it repeatedly decreased to its final bottom of well under 3000 dollars in the last year of the time span. On the other hand, the prices of smart phones in the initial year were considerably lower (just above $3000) and then slightly decreased to approximately $2800 in the first half of 2005. During the year there was a negligible increase to almost $3000, but then it dropped again in the first half of 2006 (just above $2500) and remained stable until the end of the year.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph gives information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of the
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prices
regarding the high-tech devices (Navigation systems and Smart phones) in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Somecountry
during two years and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
half
(from the second part of 2004 to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2006). The units
are measured
in US dollars.

Overall
, the both gadgets followed almost the same pattern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 1000 dollars apart.
Specifically
, the highest
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price
of both
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in the second
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half
of 2004, while the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
was in 2006, where both of them met.

In terms of the Navigation systems, it reached a peak of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below $4000 in 2004 and thereafter declined throughout 2005 with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
considerably
more than $3000. At the turn of 2005 there was a moderate rise to almost $3500
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at that point it
repeatedly
decreased to its final bottom of well under 3000 dollars in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of the time span.

On the other hand
, the
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prices
of smart phones in the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
were
considerably
lower (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above $3000) and then
slightly
decreased to approximately $2800 in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
half
of 2005. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
there was a negligible increase to almost $3000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then it dropped again in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
half
of 2006 (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above $2500) and remained stable until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows how prices of 'high-tech gadgets' changed over time in Somecountry. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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