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The first chart below shows how many energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. v.2

The first chart below shows how many energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. v. 2
The pie charts provide information about the percentage of the energy use in an Australian household and this usage leads to how much green house gas emissions. Overall, the majority of energy used for heating, while the highest rate of green house gas emissions occur in water heating. Another worth noticing point is that the percentages of gas emissions are higher than energy used in an household, expect heating. Looking at the details, it can be seen that heating and water heating take a great deal of energy, at 42 and 32 per cents in turn. The figures of used energy are less than 15 per cent for others. Cooling is the sector with the lowest share of energy usage. By contrast, the percentage of water heating at producing gas emissions is the highest at 32. The percentages of the green house emissions are twice as high as the percentages of energy spend on refrigeration and lighting. The used energy on heating and refrigeration is almost the same. Cooling is the lowest proccess in term of gas emissions.
The pie charts provide information about the
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percentage
of the
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in an Australian household and this usage leads to how much green
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house
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gas
emissions.

Overall
, the majority of
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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heating
, while the highest rate of green
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house
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gas
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emissions
occur in water
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heating
. Another worth noticing point is that the
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percentages
of
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gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
are higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
household,
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expect
heating.

Looking at the
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details
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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heating
and water
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heating
take a great deal of
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energy
, at 42 and 32 per cents in turn. The figures of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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energy
are less than 15 per cent for others. Cooling is the sector with the lowest share of
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energy
usage.

By contrast, the
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percentage
of water
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heating
at producing
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gas
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emissions
is the highest at 32. The
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percentages
of the green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
are twice as high as the
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percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
spend on refrigeration and lighting. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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energy
on
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heating
and refrigeration is almost the same. Cooling is the lowest
Possible spelling mistake found.
proccess
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The first chart below shows how many energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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