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The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v.2

The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v. 2
The graph illustrates the changes in percentages of people using digital devices in one European city for browsing online and email purpose from 2000 to 2008. The chart shows a distinct trend between percentages of smartphones users and the others. While desktops, laptops and tablets users all decrease, smartphones users increase dramatically from 5% to 40%. This clearly shows a change in user' s digital devices preferences. There' s a similarity between percentages of desktops and laptops users. Both of them go down from 2000 to 2008. However, desktops users drop more dramatically in comparison with laptop users, from 40% to 20%. The trend for laptop users decline more gradually than desktops users. The figure of tablets users is different from the other trends since it fluctuates over the period. The percentage goes up to 30% in 2004 then decline to 20% in 2008. Overall, the chart shows a distinct trend among four different digital devices users percentages, with smartphones being the most used and downward trend for the rest.
The graph illustrates the
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changes
in
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percentages
of
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people
using digital devices in one European city for browsing online and email purpose from 2000 to 2008.

The chart
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shows
a distinct
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trend
between
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percentages
of smartphones
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users
and the others. While desktops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
and tablets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
all decrease, smartphones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
increase
dramatically
from 5% to 40%. This
clearly
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shows
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
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user&
#039; s digital devices preferences.

Possible spelling mistake found.
There&
#039; s a similarity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of desktops and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
. Both of them go down from 2000 to 2008.
However
, desktops
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users
drop more
dramatically
in comparison
with
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laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
, from 40% to 20%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
decline more
gradually
than desktops users.

The figure of tablets
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users
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
since it fluctuates over the period.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
goes up to 30% in 2004 then decline to 20% in 2008.

Overall
, the chart
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shows
a distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
among four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
digital devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
, with smartphones being the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for the rest.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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