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the graph show relative price changes for fresh fruit and vegetable, sugar and sweets, and carbonated drink between 1979 and 2009. v.1

the graph show relative price changes for fresh fruit and vegetable, sugar and sweets, and carbonated drink between 1979 and 2009. v. 1
The line graph compares changes in price for three different categories of food and drink and indicated the overall trend in the consumer-price index during the period from 1979 to 2009. It is obvious that the upward trends can be seen in all four lines. In which, the prices for fresh and vegetables increased more significantly than that of sugar and sweet and carbonated drink, reached the higher prices than the consumer - price index at the end of the period. In 1979, all the lines on the graph started at the same point, at about 60. The general consumer-price index increased considerably to over 200 in 1979. The prices for sugar and sweet and carbonated drink had similar trends. Although their prices rose, the figures were still lower than the consumer-price index after 1989. Over the last 24-year period, sugar and sweet were higher in price, at 200, than carbonated drink, at just 150 in 2009. At the same time, there was a sharp climb in the prices of fresh fruit and vegetables, particular after 1987. The prices finished at roughly 330 in 2009, which was over 3 times the starting figure.
The line graph compares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
for three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of food and
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drink
and indicated the
overall
trend in the consumer-price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
index
during the period from 1979 to 2009.

It is obvious that the upward trends can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in all four lines. In which, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
for fresh and vegetables increased more
significantly
than that of sugar and sweet and carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, reached the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
than the consumer
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
index
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

In 1979, all the lines on the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the same point, at about 60. The general consumer-price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
index
increased
considerably
to over 200 in 1979. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
for sugar and sweet and carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
had similar trends. Although their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
rose, the figures were
still
lower than the consumer-price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
index
after 1989. Over the last 24-year period, sugar and sweet were higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
, at 200, than carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
150 in 2009.

At the same time, there was a sharp climb in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of fresh fruit and vegetables, particular after 1987. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
finished at roughly 330 in 2009, which was over 3 times the starting figure.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic the graph show relative price changes for fresh fruit and vegetable, sugar and sweets, and carbonated drink between 1979 and 2009. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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