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The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v.2

The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v. 2
The bar graph shows the priorities set by businesses in the United States in 2016 based on their sizes. As is obvious, small and medium businesses put more emphasis on increasing leads and gaining customers while large companies fairly distributed their priorities on lead generation, customer acquisition, increasing income and providing ROI to marketing. In details, small US business companies with less than 25 employees put equal emphasis on converting contacts to leads and increasing leads. They put 71% priority on both of these aspects as they were more focused on generating leads and turning them into customers. 33% of their priority was set to providing Return on Investment (ROI) to marketing actions and 20% on deducting expenses on obtaining new clients. Medium companies, having employees 26 - 200, put the highest emphasise (79%) on increasing leads. Their second priority was converting contacts to customers, 73% priority. Their priority for earning more from existing customer and marketing ROI were equal, 47%. Finally, companies having more than 200 employees, large businesses, put almost a similar importance on all these aspects except reducing lead generation cost which was the least priority by all these companies.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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priorities
set by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in the United States in 2016 based on their sizes. As is obvious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
more emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
leads and gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
while large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
fairly
distributed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priorities
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
acquisition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
income and providing ROI to marketing.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
US
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with less than 25 employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
equal emphasis on converting contacts to leads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
leads. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
71%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
on both of these aspects as they were more focused on generating leads and turning them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. 33% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
was set
to providing Return on Investment (ROI) to marketing actions and 20% on deducting expenses on obtaining new clients.

Medium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, having employees
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
26 - 200
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
the highest
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
(79%) on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
leads. Their second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
was converting contacts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, 73%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
for earning more from existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
and marketing ROI were equal, 47%.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
having more than 200 employees, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
almost a similar importance on all these aspects except reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
generation cost which was the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
by all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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