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The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v.1

The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v. 1
The bar graph outlines the comparative analysis of the American company's top five priorities in 2016 according to the size of the company. The striking feature to note is that irrespective of the size of the companies, primary importance was given to raising the number of contacts and converting them to customers. Looking deep at the details, every company's two top priorities were to keep on increasing leads and to turn those leads into customers. Small businesses, with 0-25 employees, gave equal emphasis to these two aspects. But a company with 26-200 employees gave the lead generation and customer conversion the highest priority. Since small and medium companies spent more on lead generation, they focused less on cost minimisation to gain customers. Contrary to this, 30% priority was set by large organisations (more than 201 employees) to reduce this cost and they set the target to earn profit from existing customers. Medium-sized industry indicated 47% to both increasing revenues derived from existing customers and providing ROI of marketing activities, whereas, 55% and 58% precedence from a large company and 43% and 33% from the small company was assigned respectively to the same objectives.
The bar graph outlines the comparative analysis of the American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's top five priorities in 2016 according to the size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The striking feature to note is that irrespective of the size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, primary importance was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to raising the number of contacts and converting them to customers.

Looking deep at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's two top priorities were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on increasing leads and to turn those leads into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
businesses, with 0-25 employees, gave equal emphasis to these two aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with 26-200 employees gave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
conversion the highest priority.

Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium
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companies
spent more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
generation, they focused less on cost
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimisation' is British English.
minimisation
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. Contrary to this, 30% priority
was set
by large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
(more than 201 employees) to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cost and
they set the target to earn profit from existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. Medium-sized industry indicated 47% to both increasing revenues derived from existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and providing ROI of marketing activities, whereas, 55% and 58% precedence from a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and 43% and 33% from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was assigned
respectively
to the same objectives.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the top priorities by business companies in the USA in 2016. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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