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The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in. v.3

The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in. v. 3
The graph presents the engagement of grades 8, 9 and 10 students in three different outdoor games namely: cricket, soccer and basketball. Obviously, it is clear that most students are more engrossed in cricket that the other two sports and football, as a sport, was their second choice. The trend presented in the diagram shows that more than half of the grade nice students prefer cricket while the other graders have marginally lesser interests in joining this sport with 45% and 40% cricket players respectively. However, it is quite obvious that the participants from these grades mainly play cricket. On the other hand, football comes at the second choice as an outdoor sport among these pupils. At least a quarter of grade eight students joined in to play football while roughly one-third of ninth graders are involved in playing this sports. Furthermore, more than 30 percent of students in grade ten participate in football. Lastly, basketball is one of the least preferred sport by the students of these classes having less than a third of the students interested in playing it. Overall, it is safe to say that most students prefer to play the cricket regardless of what grade they are in.
The graph presents the engagement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
8, 9 and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
outdoor games
namely
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
, soccer and basketball.
Obviously
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more engrossed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
that the other two
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sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, was their second choice.

The trend presented in the diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
while the other graders have
marginally
lesser interests in joining this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with 45% and 40%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
players
respectively
.
However
, it is quite obvious that the participants from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
mainly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at the second choice as an outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
among these pupils. At least a quarter of
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grade
eight
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
while roughly one-third of ninth graders
are involved
in playing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Furthermore
, more than 30 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
ten participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
.
Lastly
, basketball is one of the least preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of these classes having less than a third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
interested in playing it.

Overall
, it is safe to say that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
regardless of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
they are in.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
202 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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