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The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from countries in 1962 1982 and 2002 v.2

The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from countries in 1962 1982 and 2002 v. 2
The bar graph provide the information about percentage of immigrants to Australia from UK, newzealand, India, vitenam and itly over the time period of 20 years between 1962, 1982, and 2002. Overall, maximum percentage of immigrants to Australia in 1962. And minimum percentage in 2002. After giving a close look on the graph. It is patent that first in 1962 UK and vienam was remainly same, 10 percent. After which there was a down up 5 percent in newzealand and minimum immigrants in India near about 2 percent. After that itly was an increase and reached at the 40 percent. Secondly, in 1982 immigrants was boomed up as compared to 1962. In UK immigrants was above the 15 percent. But newzealand was dip percentage almost 6 percent. Turning to, in 2002 uk immigrants was above than 15 percent. Then newzealand was went down and reached at 4 percent. After that India was upward trend approximately 14 percent. Next vitenam and itly was 13 and 15 percent and it was reduced as compared to 1982.
The bar graph provide the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Australia from UK,
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newzealand
, India,
Possible spelling mistake found.
vitenam
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
itly
over the time period of 20 years between 1962, 1982, and 2002.

Overall
, maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Australia in 1962. And minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 2002.

“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
giving a close look on the graph. It is patent that
first
in 1962 UK and
Possible spelling mistake found.
vienam
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
remainly
same, 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. After which there was a down up 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
newzealand
and minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
in India near about 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. After that
Possible spelling mistake found.
itly
was an increase and reached at the 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Secondly
, in 1982
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
was boomed
up as compared to 1962. In UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
was above the 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Possible spelling mistake found.
newzealand
was dip
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percentage
almost 6 percent.

Turning to, in 2002
Possible spelling mistake found.
uk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
was
Use "(above)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
above
than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Then
Possible spelling mistake found.
newzealand
was
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
down and reached at 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that India was upward trend approximately 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Next
Possible spelling mistake found.
vitenam
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
itly
was 13 and 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as compared to 1982.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from countries in 1962 1982 and 2002 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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