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The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v.2

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v. 2
The line graph demonstrate the United Kingdom was visited for different purposes by the overseas tourist over the time period of 1989 and 2009. Overall, what stand out from the graph is that while the popularity of holiday tourist grew over the period in question, and that of business visitors remained high throughout, the meeting friends and relatives visitors interested and fell sharply, mean while, saw an increase followed by drop. With regard to business and holiday, the starting figures were roughly identical at 5 and 7 million visitors respectively. However, whereas the former climbed to reach 9 million in 1994 before levelling off the remainder of period, the latter peaked at 8 million visitors in 2009 and then slipped to half this figure in 1999. Turning to, the meeting friends and relatives, guest stayed consistently popular, with 3 to 7 million throughout the period. Business popularity was nearly as high as holiday' s first half the century significantly decline, with the number of favourable visitors rising 40 to 80 million but 2004 to 2009 saw visitors number crash to 71 millions. After that in 1989 to 2009 meeting friends and relatives sharply boomed up at 7 million visitors. Finally it slightly decrease and reached in 63 millions.
The line graph demonstrate the United Kingdom
was visited
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes by the overseas tourist over the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 1989 and 2009.

Overall
, what stand out from the graph is that while the popularity of holiday tourist grew over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
in question, and that of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
remained high throughout, the meeting friends and relatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
interested and fell
sharply
,
Did you mean "meanwhile"?
mean while
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase followed by drop.

With regard to business and holiday, the starting figures were roughly identical at 5 and 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
respectively
.
However
, whereas the former climbed to reach 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1994
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
levelling off the remainder of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the latter peaked at 8
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in 2009 and then slipped to half this figure in 1999.

Turning to, the meeting friends and relatives, guest stayed
consistently
popular, with 3 to 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. Business popularity was
nearly
as high as
Possible spelling mistake found.
holiday&
#039; s
first
half the century
significantly
decline, with the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
rising 40 to 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
2004 to 2009
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
number crash to 71
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
. After that in 1989 to 2009 meeting friends and relatives
sharply
boomed up at 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
it
slightly
Did you mean "decreases"?
decrease
and reached in 63
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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