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The pie charts below show reasons why people left the UK for other countries and why people stayed in the UK. v.2

The pie charts below show reasons why people left the UK for other countries and why people stayed in the UK. v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the reasons for people’s leaving and staying in the United Kingdom. Overall, it is evident that people in the UK tend to leave and stay for the same reasons: join the families and friends, employment, and financial reasons. In the first pie chart, there were five reasons for people’s leaving UK. Of all these reasons, staying families or friends and bad weather played the biggest part, making up 63% in total (39% and 24% respectively). The percentage of employment (10%) was twice bigger than that of taxation (9%), which was almost as large as the proportion of financial reasons (10%). In the second graph, five reasons also explained why people stayed in the United Kingdom. Joining families and friends and employment were the most important reasons for the dwellers deciding to stay in Britain, accounting for 62% in total (34% and 28% separately). The proportion of financial reasons (9%) was similar to that of the healthcare (10%).
The pie charts illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
leaving and staying in the United Kingdom.
Overall
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the UK tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and stay for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the families and friends, employment, and financial reasons.

In the
first
pie chart, there were five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
leaving UK. Of all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, staying families or friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather played the biggest part, making up 63% in total (39% and 24%
respectively
). The percentage of employment (10%) was twice bigger than that of taxation (9%), which was almost as large as the proportion of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
(10%).

In the second graph, five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stayed in the United Kingdom. Joining families and friends and employment were the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the dwellers deciding to stay in Britain, accounting for 62% in total (34% and 28%
separately
). The proportion of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
(9%) was similar to that of the healthcare (10%).
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS academic The pie charts below show reasons why people left the UK for other countries and why people stayed in the UK. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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