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The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v.4

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 4
The line graph presents data on the number of books read by men and women at the Burnaby public library from 2011 to 2014. Overall, initially women readers read more books and showed more interests in reading at Burnaby Public Library but at the later period, male readers showed more interests in reading books while that was the opposite in the case of the women readers. In the beginning, during 2011, more books were read by women readers, i. e. 5, 500 than men readers, i. e. 2500 respectively in this library. In the following two years, there was a surge in the number of books enjoyed by both sexes. However, while there was a slight rise for the book read by women, that by men, on the contrary, rose at a significant pace during this period. In 2013, the number of books read by both male and female met at an equidistant point where both men and women had read at around 10, 000 books. But in 2014, we found an opposite reaction towards reading by both men and women. On one side, men reached a peak at around 14000 book reads by them, women readers, on the other side, read a significantly fewer number of books, seven thousand only.
The line graph presents data on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
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men
and
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women
at the
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Burnaby
public library from 2011 to 2014.

Overall
,
initially
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women
readers
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read
more
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books
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more interests in reading at
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Burnaby
Public Library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the later period, male readers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more interests in reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
while that was the opposite in the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
readers.

In the beginning, during 2011, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
readers,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
5, 500 than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
readers,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
2500
respectively
in this library. In the following two years, there was a surge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
enjoyed by both sexes.
However
, while there was a slight rise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
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women
, that by
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men
,
on the contrary
, rose at a significant pace during this period.

In 2013, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by both male and female met at an equidistant point where both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had
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read
at around 10, 000
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books
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2014, we found an opposite reaction towards reading by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
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women
. On one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
reached a peak at around 14000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'book' seems to be countable, so consider using: "books".
book
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reads
by them,
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women
readers, on the other side,
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read
a
significantly
fewer
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number
of
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books
, seven thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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