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The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v.3

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 3
The line graph illustrates the number of books read by both sexes from 2011 to 2014 at Burnaby Public Library. Initially, men’s interest in reading books was slightly less than women, although it continues to rise significantly than women ultimately. In addition, books read by both male and female were the same in 2013. Firstly, in 2011, men readers in Burnaby Public Library read fewer books than the women readers did. Men readers read around 3000 books compared to 5000 books read by women readers. Moreover, in the following year, the number book enjoyed by male readers increased slightly and reached to nearly 4000. Secondly, the book read by males rose dramatically from 2012 to 2013 and intersected the female readers' book number at around ten thousand. Finally, in 2014, books read by the male readers in this library grew rapidly to nearly 14 thousand but that of women, on the contrary, declined suddenly just around to 7 thousand. In brief, men were less interested in reading books than women in this library at first but men have shown a change of their interest in later years.
The line graph illustrates the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by both sexes from 2011 to 2014 at
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Burnaby
Public Library.
Initially
,
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men’s
interest in reading
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books
was
slightly
less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, although it continues to rise
significantly
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
ultimately
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by both male and female were the same in 2013.

Firstly
, in 2011,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
readers in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Burnaby
Public Library
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
readers did.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
readers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
around 3000
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books
compared to 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
readers.
Moreover
, in the following year, the number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
enjoyed by male readers increased
slightly
and reached to
nearly
4000.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
rose
dramatically
from 2012 to 2013 and intersected the female readers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
number at around ten thousand.
Finally
, in 2014,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by the male readers in this library grew
rapidly
to
nearly
14 thousand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
on the contrary
, declined
suddenly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around to 7 thousand.

In brief
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were less interested in reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in this library at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have shown a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of their interest in later years.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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