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The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its lifecycle. v.1

The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its lifecycle. v. 1
The given diagram depicts the lifecycle of a product and the consequences due to its manufacturing. Generally speaking, most of the seven phases of production have a direct effect on the environment. As is observed, the first step in the product manufacturing is planning and designing according to the needs. Then, the manufacturer starts to put the materials into action by consuming the required substances and energy resources, which lead to the third phase - production. It is clearly seen that these two steps have a direct impact on the environment. After that, the product undergoes packaging and distribution to shops and markets. Then, the product is sold to the consumers. Noting that packaging and sales might include adding covers on the product and using bags for selling it, which surely have a negative effect on the environment. Furthermore, after the product is consumed by the customers, it will have two possible destinations, disposing or recycling. Of course, disposing of the product makes it a burden to the environment while recycling it reduces the amount of the materials required for production. Finally, feedbacks are collected to help the designers in their upcoming plans.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram depicts the lifecycle of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and the consequences due to its manufacturing.
Generally
speaking, most of the seven phases of production have a direct effect on the environment.

As
is observed
, the
first
step in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
manufacturing is planning and designing according to the needs. Then, the manufacturer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to put the materials into action by consuming the required substances and energy resources, which lead to the third phase
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
production. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these two steps have a direct impact on the environment. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
undergoes packaging and distribution to shops and markets. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is sold
to the consumers. Noting that packaging and sales might include adding covers on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and using bags for selling it, which
surely
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the environment.
Furthermore
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is consumed
by the customers, it will have two possible destinations, disposing or recycling.
Of course
, disposing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a burden to the environment while recycling it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of the materials required for production.
Finally
, feedbacks
are collected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the designers in their upcoming plans.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its lifecycle. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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