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The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v.2

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 2
The line graph illustrates changes in reading habits of male and female readers at Burnaby public library, in 3 years, starting from 2011. Overall, women read more books than males in 2011 at Burnaby Public Library, but the number of books that men read continually increased as time went by while for women, this figure declined after having risen steadily for the first 2 years. In details, men and women read 3, 000 and 5, 000 books respectively in 2011 at Burnaby Public Library. And it clearly shows that women enjoyed more books than men did. And in the following year, while the number of books men finished reading increased by one-third, it increased by 5 thousand for women, exactly twice as many books as the figure for men. It is worth noticing that women and men read the same number of books (10, 000) in the year 2013, as men's interest in books skyrocketed. Women also read more books this year than in 2012, but the change was less noticeable (exactly a quarter). Additionally, the figure for men furtherly surged to 14 thousand books in 2014, but there was a fall regarding the reading habits of women, as the number of books went down to 7 thousand.
The line graph illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in reading habits of male and female readers at
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Burnaby
public library, in 3 years, starting from 2011.

Overall
,
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women
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read
more
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books
than males in 2011 at
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Burnaby
Public Library,
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but
the
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number
of
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books
that
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men
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read
continually
increased as time went by while for
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women
, this figure declined after having risen
steadily
for the
first
2 years.

In
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details
,
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men
and
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women
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read
3, 000 and 5, 000
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books
respectively
in 2011 at
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Burnaby
Public Library. And it
clearly
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shows
that
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women
enjoyed more
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books
than
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men
did. And in the following
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year
, while the
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number
of
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books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
finished reading increased by one-third, it increased by 5 thousand for
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women
, exactly twice as
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many
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books
as the figure for
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men
.

It is worth noticing that
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women
and
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men
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read
the same
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number
of
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books
(10, 000) in the
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year
2013, as
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men
's interest in
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books
skyrocketed.
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Women
also
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read
more
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books
this
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year
than in 2012,
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but
the
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change
was less noticeable (exactly a quarter).
Additionally
, the figure for
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men
Possible spelling mistake found.
furtherly
surged to 14 thousand
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books
in 2014,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a fall regarding the reading habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
went down to 7 thousand.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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