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The graph below gives information about the number of Catholics residing in different nations, during 2010-2013. v.1

The graph below gives information about the number of Catholics residing in different nations, during 2010-2013. v. 1
The bar chart enumerates the number of Catholic residents in six different countries between 2010 and 2013. A glance at the graph reveals that the Philippines had the highest number of Catholics during 2010 and 2013. It can be clearly observed that approximately 76 million Catholics stayed in the Philippines in 2010 and this number reduced after three years to nearly 72 million. It is worth noticing that the number of Catholics in the Philippines were significantly higher than any other country. In fact, Catholics in China, India, Vietnam, Korea and Japan cumulatively made a figure which was less than half of the total Catholics in the Philippines in both years. Looking further, 9 million Chinese nationals were Catholics while this number was 1. 5 million higher in India in 2010. The number of Catholic residents in China and India improved substantially, by 6 and 9 million unlike Vietnam, Korea and the Philippines, where their number actually descended. Vietnam and Korea each had around 5 million Catholic residents in 2013. While their number of Vietnam dipped marginally, it was a dramatic dip in Korea. The least number of Catholic resided in Japan, roughly 0. 4 to 0. 6 million.
The bar chart enumerates the
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number
of Catholic residents in six
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different
countries between 2010 and 2013. A glance at the graph reveals that the Philippines had the highest
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number
of Catholics during 2010 and 2013.

It can be
clearly
observed that approximately 76
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million
Catholics stayed in the Philippines in 2010 and this
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number
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
after three years to
nearly
72
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million
. It is worth noticing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Catholics in the Philippines were
significantly
higher than any other country. In fact, Catholics in China, India, Vietnam, Korea and Japan
cumulatively
made a figure which was less than half of the total Catholics in the Philippines in both years.

Looking
further
, 9
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million
Chinese nationals were Catholics while this
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number
was 1. 5
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million
higher in India in 2010. The
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number
of Catholic residents in China and India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
substantially
, by 6 and 9
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million
unlike Vietnam, Korea and the Philippines, where their
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number
actually descended. Vietnam and Korea each had around 5
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million
Catholic residents in 2013. While their
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number
of Vietnam dipped
marginally
, it was a dramatic dip in Korea. The least
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number
of Catholic resided in Japan, roughly 0. 4 to 0. 6
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million
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the number of Catholics residing in different nations, during 2010-2013. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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