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The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries. v.1

The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries. v. 1
The bar chart presents the ratio of male and female pupils in six countries who have good commands in a foreign language. It is obvious that more percentages of female learners are proficient in a second language than that of male pupils and the proportion of such fluent students is higher in India and Romania. As the diagram summarise, the quotient of students versed in a foreign language was the highest in India, approximately 68% female students and 56% male students with the ability to use a second language. Romania has approximately 65% women pupils and just over 40% male students who are expert in a different language. Interestingly, the rate of students with skill in a foreign language is higher among females than that of males in all countries except in Thailand where such male pupils’ ratio is 30%. Vietnam has more ratio of second-language-knowing students than that of China, and Russia. The lowest percentages of such pupils reside in China where only around 20-30% disciples know a second dialect.
The bar chart presents the ratio of male and
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female
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pupils
in six countries who have
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good
commands in a foreign
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language
. It is obvious that more percentages of
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female
learners are proficient in a second
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language
than that of male
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pupils
and the proportion of such fluent
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students
is higher in India and Romania.

As the diagram
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the quotient of
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students
versed in a foreign
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language
was the highest in India, approximately 68%
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female
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students
and 56% male
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students
with the ability to
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use
a second
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language
. Romania has approximately 65% women
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pupils
and
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just
over 40% male
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students
who are expert in a
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different
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language
.
Interestingly
, the rate of
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students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in a foreign
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language
is higher among
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females
than that of
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males
in all countries except in Thailand where such male
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pupils’
ratio is 30%. Vietnam has more ratio of second-language-knowing
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students
than that of China, and Russia. The lowest percentages of such
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pupils
reside in China where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 20-30% disciples know a second dialect.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS academic The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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