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The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. v.2

The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. v. 2
The pie chart displays the proportions of top job positions held by people, categorized into five different races, while the bar chart shows the comparison based on races along with public and private sectors. Both charts are based on a report about South Africa in 2015/16. Overall, white people were dominant in top management level and also held the majority of private sector jobs. On the other hand, public sector had the presence of Africans more than any other nation. To begin with, about 2 out of every 3 top positions belonged to white people in South Africa during 2015 and 2016. At the same time, Africans accounted for 14. 3 percent of those jobs. On the other hand, the remaining three races had their figures of less than 10%.   In detail, Indian people represented 8. 6%, almost doubled the percentage of coloured people (4. 7%), while foreigners only held 3. 5 percent of all top level positions. Regarding the bar chart, Africans took over more than 73% of public job positions and an almost equal figure can be seen for white people in private jobs. Indians hold 8. 7 and 6. 5 percent of private and public sector job positions, respectively. On the other hand, coloured people and foreigners were around 4% in private sector while the percentage of foreigners holding top postions in public sector jobs was negligible (only 0. 4%).
The pie
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chart
displays the proportions of
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top
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job
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positions
held by
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people
, categorized into five
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different
races, while the bar
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chart
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shows
the comparison based on races along with
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public
and
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private
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sectors
. Both
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charts
are based
on a report about South Africa in 2015/16.

Overall
, white
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people
were dominant in
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top
management level and
also
held the majority of
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private
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sector
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jobs
. On the
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other
hand,
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public
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sector
had the presence of Africans more than any
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other
nation.

To
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begin
with, about 2 out of every 3
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top
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positions
belonged to white
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people
in South Africa during 2015 and 2016. At the same time, Africans accounted for 14. 3 percent of those
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jobs
. On the
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other
hand, the remaining three races had their figures of less than 10%.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In detail, Indian
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people
represented 8. 6%, almost doubled the percentage of
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coloured
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people
(4. 7%), while foreigners
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only
held 3. 5 percent of all
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
positions.

Regarding the bar
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chart
, Africans took over more than 73% of
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public
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job
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positions
and an almost equal figure can be
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seen
for white
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people
in
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private
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jobs
. Indians hold 8. 7 and 6. 5 percent of
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private
and
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public
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sector
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job
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positions
,
respectively
. On the
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other
hand,
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
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people
and foreigners were around 4% in
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private
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sector
while the percentage of foreigners holding
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top
Possible spelling mistake found.
postions
in
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public
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sector
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jobs
was negligible (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 4%).
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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