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The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v.2

The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v. 2
The provided line graph gives information about the percentage of the population watched TV or listened to the radio during the day-time or night-time. This study has been realised among the UK population from October to December 1992. If we first glance at the graph, we can observe that 7% of the UK population started listening to radio from 6: 00 am in the morning whereas nobody watched TV at this time of day. The radio audiences gradually increased to reach a peak of 26% of people at 8. 30 am. Then, this trend went step by step down to about 4% of the audiences at 6 pm. We can truly affirm that people listened to radio mostly before heading to work or on the way to their workplace. However, regarding TV audiences the time period where people were watching it the most is obviously between 6. 00 pm to 10. 00 pm with the highest point reaching 45% at 8. 00 pm. To sum up, the UK population were more active listening to the radio in the early morning before going to work while they were active on watching TV in the afternoon once they got back from work to before they went to sleep.
The provided line graph gives information about the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV or listened to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
during the day-time or night-time. This study has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
among the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
from October to December 1992.

If we
first
glance at the graph, we can observe that 7% of the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
from 6: 00
This is redundant. Consider using "am".
am in the morning
whereas nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV at this time of day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
audiences
gradually
increased to reach a peak of 26% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at 8. 30 am. Then, this trend went step by step down to about 4% of the audiences at 6 pm. We can
truly
affirm that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
heading to work or on the way to their workplace.
However
, regarding TV audiences the time period where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were watching it the most is
obviously
between 6. 00 pm to 10. 00 pm with the highest point reaching 45% at 8.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
00
pm.

To sum up, the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
were more active listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
in the early morning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to work while they were active on watching TV in the afternoon once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
back from work to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they went to sleep.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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Virginia Woolf

IELTS academic The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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