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The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v.1

The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v. 1
The supplied line graph shows data on the radio and TV audiences of UK throughout a day of October- Dec in the year 1992. As is presented in the graph, people listen to radio from 5: 30 am to 1: 00 pm more than they watch TV while they prefer to watch television programs from 1: 00 pm to 11: 00 pm more than they listen to the radio. According to the line graph, only around 5% people who are over 4 years old listened to the radio or watched TV programs at 1: 00 am at night. This percentage remained almost unchanged till 5: 30 am next day and after that, the radio audiences increased remarkably and reached to around 25% at around 9: 00 am. During this time very few people watched TV amounting on an average 5% of total population. After 9: 00 in the morning, the radio listeners’ percentage kept on decreasing and reached to 5% at 7: 00 in the evening and remained at this level till the next day morning. On the other hand, the TV viewers’ percentage increased after 2: 30 pm and reached to 45% at around 9: 30 pm at night. In summary, almost half of the UK people watch TV from 5: 30 pm to 9: 30 pm while 25% people from the UK listened to radio from 5: 30 am till 1: 00 pm.
The supplied line graph
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shows
data on the
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radio
and TV audiences of UK throughout a day of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
October- Dec
in the year 1992. As
is presented
in the graph,
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people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
from 5: 30 am to 1: 00 pm more than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV while they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television programs from 1: 00 pm to 11: 00 pm more than they listen to the radio.

According to the line graph,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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around
5%
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people
who are over 4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
listened to the
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radio
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV programs at 1: 00 am at night. This percentage remained almost unchanged till 5: 30 am
next
day and after that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
audiences increased
remarkably
and reached to
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around
25% at
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around
9: 00 am. During this time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV amounting on an average 5% of total population. After 9: 00 in the morning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
listeners’ percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on decreasing and reached to 5% at 7: 00 in the evening and remained at this level till the
next
day morning.
On the other hand
, the TV viewers’ percentage increased after 2: 30 pm and reached to 45% at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
9: 30
This is redundant. Consider using "pm".
pm at night
.

In summary, almost half of the UK
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV from 5: 30 pm to 9: 30 pm while 25%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the UK listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
from 5: 30 am till 1: 00 pm.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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