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The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v.4

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v. 4
The bar chart shows how the employment rates in six countries changed both for males and females between 1995 and 2005. Overall, male employment ratio was higher than that of females but women progressed a lot during the given period. As the diagram suggests, Icelander males had the highest employment ratio both in 1995 and 2005, about 70% and 82% respectively. Women, however, in Iceland had a less impressive job ratio. Only 40% in 1995 and just over 50% in 2005. A similar employment ratio for men could be observed in Switzerland but female engagement in work in Switzerland was far better than any other country. Almost seven out of ten females in Switzerland had a job in 2005 compared to around 40% female job holders in Australia and New Zealand in this year. The USA and UK had an almost similar employment rate both in this year and 70% males and 60% females in these two countries were doing some kind of job in 2005. Interestingly the largest gap between female and male employee ratios could be observed in Iceland, Australia and New Zealand despite their noticeably higher male employment rates.
The bar chart
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shows
how the
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employment
rates in six countries
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changed
both for
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males
and
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females
between 1995 and 2005.
Overall
, male
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employment
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ratio
was higher than that of
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females
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but
women progressed a lot during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

As the diagram suggests, Icelander
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males
had the highest
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employment
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ratio
both in 1995 and 2005, about 70% and 82%
respectively
. Women,
however
, in Iceland had a less impressive
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job
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ratio
.
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Only
40% in 1995 and
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just
over 50% in 2005. A similar
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employment
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ratio
for
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men
could
be observed
in Switzerland
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but
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female
engagement in work in Switzerland was far better than any other country. Almost seven out of ten
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females
in Switzerland had a
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job
in 2005 compared to around 40%
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female
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job
holders in Australia and New Zealand in this year.

The USA and UK had an almost similar
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employment
rate both in this year and 70%
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males
and 60%
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females
in these two countries were doing
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some
kind of
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job
in 2005.
Interestingly
the largest gap between
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female
and male employee
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ratios
could
be observed
in Iceland, Australia and New Zealand despite their
noticeably
higher male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rates.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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