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The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v.2

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v. 2
The column graph shows employment rate variations in six countries, namely, Australia, Switzerland, Ireland, UK, New Zealand and the USA between 1995 and 2005. As is observed, employment rates in these countries improved and there have been notable advancements for women in the workforce. It is obvious that women had lower employment rates in most of the countries. For example, in Australia in 1995, 57 percent of men had a job, but only 27 percent of women were employed. In this year, the highest employment rates for women (70%) was in Iceland where more than 80% men were working class. The second biggest trend in the graph is the improvement in employment between 1995 and 2005. In all countries shown, figures for both men and women employment rates improved. The biggest change was in the United Kingdom, from 55 percent of men in 1995 to 73 percent over the ten years period. Furthermore, the increases in employment rates for women were much higher in New Zealand. The percentage of working women jumped from 25 percent to 42 percent, and in the United States from 45 percent to 61 percent over the decade. In these countries, at least a 12 percent increased both for men and women over the ten years.
The column graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
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employment
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rate
variations in six
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countries
,
namely
, Australia, Switzerland, Ireland, UK, New Zealand and the USA between 1995 and 2005. As
is observed
,
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employment
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rates
in these
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countries
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improved
and there have been notable advancements for
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women
in the workforce.

It is obvious that
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women
had lower
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employment
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rates
in most of the
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countries
.
For example
, in Australia in 1995, 57
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percent
of
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men
had a job,
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but
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only
27
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percent
of
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women
were employed
. In this year, the highest
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employment
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rates
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
(70%) was in Iceland where more than 80%
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men
were working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

The second biggest trend in the graph is the improvement in
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employment
between 1995 and 2005. In all
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countries
shown, figures for both
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men
and
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
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improved
. The biggest
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change
was in the United Kingdom, from 55
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in 1995 to 73
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percent
over the ten years period.
Furthermore
, the increases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were much higher in New Zealand. The percentage of working
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women
jumped from 25
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percent
to 42
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percent
, and in the United States from 45
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percent
to 61
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percent
over the decade. In these
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countries
, at least a 12
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percent
increased both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
over the ten years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
210 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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