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The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v.2

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 2
The diagram outlines the sleep pattern of students, truck drivers, mothers, business executives and doctors in a typical day. Generally speaking, students and business executives have a steady sleep pattern while others sleep in a scattered fashion. It is explicitly observed that students usually sleep 8 hours a day, from 11. 00 pm to 7. 00 am, without any interruption and their duration of rest is higher than people from other professions. Business executives have a continuous nap schedule but they sleep only 6 hours, from 11 pm to 5 pm. Truck drivers seem like have the most sporadic sleep schedule and they sleep 6 hours a day in a scattered way in the early morning and evening time. A similar rest agenda could be observed for full-time mothers who take rest 8 hours a day but at three different times of the day. They are usually awake at mid-night as do the truck drivers. Finally, doctors sleep only 5 hours a day, the least among the given categories, and they sleep from late night till early morning with the exception of 3-4 in the morning when they remain awake.
The diagram outlines the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
pattern of students, truck drivers, mothers, business executives and doctors in a typical day.
Generally
speaking, students and business executives have a steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
pattern while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
Consider replacing "in a scattered fashion" with the adverb for "scattered"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a scattered fashion
.

It is
explicitly
observed that students
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day, from 11. 00 pm to 7. 00 am, without any interruption and their duration of rest is higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other professions. Business executives have a continuous nap schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, from 11 pm to 5 pm. Truck drivers seem like have the most sporadic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedule and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
Consider replacing "in a scattered way" with the adverb for "scattered"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a scattered way
in the early morning and evening time. A similar rest agenda could
be observed
for full-time mothers who take rest 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
times of the day. They are
usually
awake at mid-night as do the truck drivers.
Finally
, doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day, the least among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
categories, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
from late night till early morning
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
3-4 in the morning when they remain awake.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS academic The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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