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The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v.4

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 4
The given illustration demonstrates sleep patterns of students, full-time mothers, truck drivers, doctors and business executives based on a study conducted in Canada. As is observed, people’s sleeping time and duration vary greatly based on their occupations. As is given in the chart, students have a steady and uninterrupted sleeping pattern. They usually sleep between 11 pm and 7 pm and this is probably because they have to attend classes during the daytime. The truck drivers sleep at different times of the day and they do not sleep for long hours. They sleep fewer hours than the students but more than doctors. The most probable reason for this is unfixed duty at different times of the day. Then comes the full-time mothers who also have an inconsistent sleeping pattern and they need to take care of their children and that is why they remain awake from 1-3 am which should have been the time for sound sleep. Business executives, on the other hand, sleep more than the doctors but less than the students. They sleep continuous hours between 11 pm and 5 am. Since they need to remain busy at their workplaces, they try to sleep at night time. Finally, doctors have the most erratic sleeping pattern and they sleep fewer hours than others. They go to bed at 1 am and awake at 7 am. But the 3-4 am sleeping pattern for doctors shows that they need to remain awake at these hours.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration demonstrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patterns
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, full-time mothers, truck drivers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and business executives based on a study conducted in Canada. As
is observed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and duration vary
greatly
based on their occupations.

As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a steady and uninterrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pattern
. They
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
between 11 pm and 7 pm and this is
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend classes during the daytime. The truck drivers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. The most probable reason for this
is unfixed
duty at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of the day. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the full-time mothers who
also
have an inconsistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pattern and
they need to take care of their children and
that is
why they remain awake from 1-3 am which should have been the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. Business executives,
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
between 11 pm and 5 am. Since they need to remain busy at their workplaces, they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have the most erratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pattern and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than others. They go to bed at 1 am and awake at 7 am.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the 3-4
Did you mean "am I"?
am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pattern
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they need to remain awake at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 4

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
244 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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