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The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v.3

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 3
The provided data shows the sleeping pattern of people of different occupations based on a Canadian study. As is observed from the given information, the timing and total hours of sleeping varies based on the occupation group of people Firstly, students sleep 8 hours a day and their average sleeping hours are from 11: 00 pm to 7: 00 am. Secondly, Truck drivers sleep on different times of a day possibly because of their job nature and variation of driving schedules and they sleep around 6 hours a day. Again, full-time mothers sleep from 10 pm and with some intervals they also show a variation on sleeping times and in total they sleep 8 hours a day. Business executives sleep 6 hours a day but they have a consistent sleeping pattern like the students and they sleep from 11. 00 pm to 5: 00 am on an average. Finally, the doctors sleep fewer hours than people from other occupation. They sleep from 1: 00 a. m. to 7: 00 a. m. with an interval of one hour. In summary, the sleeping patterns vary based on the occupation of the people and students & full-time mothers sleep more hours in a day while doctors sleep comparatively less among the different categories of people.
The provided data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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sleeping
pattern of
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people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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occupations
based on a Canadian study. As
is observed
from the
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given
information, the timing and total
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hours
of
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sleeping
varies based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
group of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


Firstly
, students
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sleep
8
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hours
a day and their average
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sleeping
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hours
are from 11: 00 pm to 7: 00 am.
Secondly
, Truck drivers
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sleep
on
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different
times of a day
possibly
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because
of their job nature and variation of driving
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedules and
they
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sleep
around 6
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hours
a day. Again, full-time mothers
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sleep
from 10 pm and with
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some
intervals they
also
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show
a variation on
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sleeping
times and in total they
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sleep
8
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hours
a day. Business executives
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sleep
6
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hours
a day
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but
they have a consistent
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sleeping
pattern like the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they
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sleep
from 11. 00 pm to 5: 00 am on an average.
Finally
, the doctors
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sleep
fewer
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hours
than
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people
from other
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occupation
. They
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sleep
from 1: 00 a. m. to 7: 00 a. m. with an interval of one hour.

In summary, the
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sleeping
patterns vary based on the
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occupation
of the
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people
and students & full-time mothers
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sleep
more
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hours
in a day while doctors
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sleep
comparatively
less among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of
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people
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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