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The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v.3

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 3
The provided data shows the sleeping pattern of people of different occupations based on a Canadian study. As is observed from the given information, the timing and total hours of sleeping varies based on the occupation group of people Firstly, students sleep 8 hours a day and their average sleeping hours are from 11: 00 pm to 7: 00 am. Secondly, Truck drivers sleep on different times of a day possibly because of their job nature and variation of driving schedules and they sleep around 6 hours a day. Again, full-time mothers sleep from 10 pm and with some intervals they also show a variation on sleeping times and in total they sleep 8 hours a day. Business executives sleep 6 hours a day but they have a consistent sleeping pattern like the students and they sleep from 11. 00 pm to 5: 00 am on an average. Finally, the doctors sleep fewer hours than people from other occupation. They sleep from 1: 00 a. m. to 7: 00 a. m. with an interval of one hour. In summary, the sleeping patterns vary based on the occupation of the people and students & full-time mothers sleep more hours in a day while doctors sleep comparatively less among the different categories of people.
The provided data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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sleeping
pattern of
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people
of
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different
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occupations
based on a Canadian study. As
is observed
from the
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given
information, the timing and total
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hours
of
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sleeping
varies based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
group of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


Firstly
, students
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sleep
8
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hours
a day and their average
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sleeping
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hours
are from 11: 00 pm to 7: 00 am.
Secondly
, Truck drivers
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sleep
on
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different
times of a day
possibly
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because
of their job nature and variation of driving
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedules and
they
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sleep
around 6
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hours
a day. Again, full-time mothers
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sleep
from 10 pm and with
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some
intervals they
also
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show
a variation on
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sleeping
times and in total they
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sleep
8
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hours
a day. Business executives
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sleep
6
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hours
a day
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but
they have a consistent
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sleeping
pattern like the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they
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sleep
from 11. 00 pm to 5: 00 am on an average.
Finally
, the doctors
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sleep
fewer
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hours
than
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people
from other
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occupation
. They
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sleep
from 1: 00 a. m. to 7: 00 a. m. with an interval of one hour.

In summary, the
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sleeping
patterns vary based on the
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occupation
of the
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people
and students & full-time mothers
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sleep
more
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hours
in a day while doctors
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sleep
comparatively
less among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of
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people
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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