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The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v.6

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 6
The volume of water consumed in three sectors-  agriculture, industry and domestic, in the twentieth century is demonstrated in the line graph. Meanwhile, the given table illustrates the differences between agricultural and personal water consumptions in Brazil and Congo in 2000. As the line graph represents, the highest quantity of water was consumed, throughout the given years, for the farming and it soared remarkably from 500 km3 to around 3000 km3 in 2000. An inconsiderable amount of water was used for the industrial and domestic purposes till the mid of the century. From 1950 onward, industrial water use raised steadily to above 1000 km3 while domestic utilisation of water climbed more slowly to approximately 300 km3. By looking at the table it is clear that Brazil had 176 million population and 26500 km2 irrigation fields compare to Congo that had 5. 2 million population and just 100 km2 arming lands in 2000. Consequently, the volume of water consumed by an average Brazilian was overwhelmingly greater than the water consumption of a person who lived in Congo.
The volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumed in three sectors-
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
agriculture, industry and domestic, in the twentieth century
is demonstrated
in the line graph. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the differences between agricultural and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
in Brazil and Congo in 2000.

As the line graph represents, the highest quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was consumed
, throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years, for the farming and it soared
remarkably
from 500 km3 to around 3000 km3 in 2000. An inconsiderable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the industrial and domestic purposes till the mid of the century. From 1950 onward, industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
raised
steadily
to above 1000 km3 while domestic
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
climbed more
slowly
to approximately 300 km3.

By looking at the table it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Brazil had 176 million population and 26500 km2 irrigation fields compare to Congo that had 5. 2 million population and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
100 km2 arming lands in 2000.
Consequently
, the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumed by an average Brazilian was
overwhelmingly
greater than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption of a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Congo.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 6

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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