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The graph and pie chart below give information on in-house training courses in a large financial company. v.2

The graph and pie chart below give information on in-house training courses in a large financial company. v. 2
The charts illustrate information of duration of training as well as an attitude of workers towards training. The spectacular feature of the chart is a paramount training provided to the technical staff. As is observed from the pie chart, training of only technical staff that is 30 hours per year is equivalent to the training of other three courses namely career development, health and safety and interpersonal skills precisely 15, 5, 10 hours per year respectively. Switching to the bar chart, the majority of secretary' s take it as an integral part of the job while three-fourth managers take it seriously. However, half of the managers grab it as a good fro networking whereas little less than two-third of secretaries do not believe in networking. Moreover, 10-15% employees undertake it as a wastage of a precious time. On the flip side, 64-68% individuals regard it as a good excuse for a change. All in all, it succors in the development of technical department and majority of workers also take it an a crucial part of their work.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
illustrate information of duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
as well
as an attitude of workers towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. The spectacular feature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
is a paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
provided to the technical staff.

As
is observed
from the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
technical staff
that is
30 hours per year is equivalent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
of other three courses
namely
career development, health and safety and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
precisely
15, 5, 10 hours per year
respectively
.

Switching to the bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, the majority of
Possible spelling mistake found.
secretary&
#039; s take it as an integral part of the job while three-fourth managers take it
seriously
.
However
, half of the managers grab it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
fro
networking whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less than two-third of secretaries do not believe in networking.
Moreover
, 10-15% employees undertake it as a wastage of a precious time. On the flip side, 64-68% individuals regard it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
excuse for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

All in all, it succors in the development of technical department and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
workers
also
take it
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "a" is left.
an a
crucial part of their work.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The graph and pie chart below give information on in-house training courses in a large financial company. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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