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The graph and pie chart below give information on in house training courses in a large financial company v.3

The graph and pie chart below give information on in house training courses in a large financial company v. 3
Given are two graphs, while the pie chart shows data about the annual training hours of 4 different courses in a big company, the bar chart illustrates managers and secretaries' attitude toward training. It is clear from the pie chart that half of the training hours per year are for technical purpose. Additionally, the majority of office workers feel that the training courses are valuable for their jobs. As regards to pie graph, the hours for technical training programs are highest, at 30 hours annually, compared to a significantly lower amount of time spend for health and safety courses, at only 5 hours. At the same time, while 15 hours per year are for career development classes, the figure for interpersonal skills is slightly lower, at roughly 10 hours. 85% of secretaries surveyed said that the training programs are important for their careers, while this rate for managers is around 75%. Meanwhile, the proportions of workers chose training as a good excuse for change are relatively lower, with 63% of secretaries and 65% of managers. In addition, only around 40 to 50 percent of office workers said training is good for networking. By contrast, the minority of employees think courses are waste of their valuable time, with around 10% of managers and secretaries in the company.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
are two graphs, while the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data about the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, the bar chart illustrates
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managers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
secretaries&
#039; attitude toward training.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the pie chart that half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per year are for technical purpose.
Additionally
, the majority of office workers feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are valuable for their jobs.

As regards to pie graph, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
programs are highest, at 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
annually
, compared to a
significantly
lower amount of time spend for health and safety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. At the same time, while 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per year are for career development classes, the figure for interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is
slightly
lower, at roughly 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours. 85%
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secretaries
surveyed said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their careers, while this rate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
is around 75%. Meanwhile, the proportions of workers chose
If 'chose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to train".
training
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
excuse for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
are
relatively
lower, with 63% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secretaries
and 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 40 to 50 percent of office workers said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for networking. By contrast, the minority of employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are waste of their valuable time, with around 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secretaries
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The graph and pie chart below give information on in house training courses in a large financial company v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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