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The following bar chart illustrates the mobile phone ownership in ten European countries throughout the year from 2005 to 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v.2

The following bar chart illustrates the mobile phone ownership in ten European countries throughout the year from 2005 to 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 2
The bar chart shows the figure of mobile phone users in ten European countries during 2005 to 2010. It can be seen from the graph that the figure of users in 2010 were higher than in 2005. In 2005, the United Kingdom had the highest number of people who own mobile phone, with more than 4 million people, in the next 5 years, the number rose to 12 million. German and Italian owned mobile phone with the figure nearly as same as British in 2005. However, in 2010, the number for Germany peaked at around 14 million users. The figure for sweden, france, Finland, Norway, Denmark and Spain fluctuated between 1 million and 2 million people in 2005. Though, sweden and france had higher number of owners in the next 5 years. In contrast, Netherlands had a lowest figure in 2005 but increased slightly during 5 years. Overall, we can see that people are more and more have own mobile phone for themselves.
The bar chart
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shows
the
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figure
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users in ten European countries during 2005 to 2010.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of users in 2010 were higher than in 2005.

In 2005, the United Kingdom had the highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, with more than 4
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in the
next
5 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
rose to 12
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million
. German and Italian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
mobile
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phone
with the
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figure
nearly
as same as British in 2005.
However
, in 2010, the
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number
for Germany peaked at around 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
users. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
france
, Finland, Norway, Denmark and Spain fluctuated between 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2005. Though,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
france
had higher
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number
of owners in the
next
5 years.
In contrast
, Netherlands had
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
in 2005
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
increased
slightly
during 5 years.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more and more have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for themselves.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The following bar chart illustrates the mobile phone ownership in ten European countries throughout the year from 2005 to 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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