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The figure shows the number of workers employed in three different areas in the United Kingdom between 1980 and 1990. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The figure shows the number of workers employed in three different areas in the United Kingdom between 1980 and 1990.
The graph illustrates the trend of workforce in three main section in the United Kingdom from 1980 to 1990. As can be seen, there was an increase in the number of workers employed in Service Industries between 1980 and 1990. Starting at about 5, 500, 000 in 1980, the number increased marginally to around 6, 000, 000 in 1986. Then, it surged to above 8, 500, 000 in 1988 and stay stable till 1990. On the contrary, both the figures of the people worked in Engineering and Agriculture declined dramatically. The workforce of engineering field went down gradually from 4, 000, 000 in 1980 to approximately 3, 000, 000 in 1990. Whilst, the number of people served in Agriculture dropped sharply to just below 1, 000, 000 in 1985 and kept decreasing to just about 400, 000 in 1990. Overall, there were some major changes in the allocation of workforce among three fields in the United Kingdom from 1980 to 1990. People tended to join the service industry more and more. Whereas, there were decreases in the other two sections.
The graph illustrates the trend of workforce in three main
Possible agreement error. The noun 'section' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sections".
section
in the United Kingdom from 1980 to 1990.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there was an increase in the number of workers employed in Service Industries between 1980 and 1990. Starting at about 5, 500, 000 in 1980, the number increased
marginally
to around 6, 000, 000 in 1986. Then, it surged to above 8, 500, 000 in 1988 and stay stable till 1990.

On the contrary
, both the figures of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worked in Engineering and Agriculture declined
dramatically
. The workforce of engineering field went down
gradually
from 4, 000, 000 in 1980 to approximately 3, 000, 000 in 1990. Whilst, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
served in Agriculture dropped
sharply
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 1, 000, 000 in 1985 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
decreasing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 400, 000 in 1990.

Overall
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the allocation of workforce among three fields in the United Kingdom from 1980 to 1990.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the service industry more and more.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, there were decreases in the other two sections.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The figure shows the number of workers employed in three different areas in the United Kingdom between 1980 and 1990.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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