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The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone.
The illustrations indicate developing cell phones in two phases. Overall, early mobile phone and contemporary mobile phone is shown in the illustration. Both phones have display keyboard and ear phone. The weight of early mobile phone is 150g. Width of it is 50mm while length is 130. It has ear phone at the top. It also has black/ white display in the upper half of mobile phone. Function elect button is located in the center. At the bottom of the early mobile phone is keyboard with buttons. Contemporary mobile phone weights a twice less than early mobile phone and amount to 70g. The parameter of contemporary mobile phone is also less than previous phone generation and consist 40mm width and 90 mm length. The new generation of phones is bent in the middle and contain of two parts. Upper parts has ear phone at the top and full colour display which cover almost all upper part. Moreover, it has camera with video capability. Extra functions are applied for function button, which are e-mail and internet, music player, and multi-player game facility.
The illustrations indicate developing cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in two phases.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is shown
in the illustration. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have display keyboard and ear phone.

The weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is 150g. Width of it is
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "50 mm"
50mm
while length is 130. It has ear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at the top. It
also
has black/ white display in the upper half of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. Function elect button
is located
in the center. At the bottom of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is keyboard with buttons.

Contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
weights a twice less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and amount to 70g. The parameter of contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
also
less than previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
generation and consist
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 mm"
40mm
width and 90 mm length. The new generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is bent
in the middle and contain of two parts. Upper parts has ear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at the top and full
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
display which cover almost all upper part.
Moreover
, it has camera with video capability. Extra functions
are applied
for function button, which are e-mail and internet, music player, and multi-player game facility.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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