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the diagrams below show the stages and aquipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v.2

the diagrams below show the stages and aquipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 2
The supplied pictures capture several phase of cement production from the raw materials and using the particular tools. Another step showcase the cement is mixed with another content for the ingredients of construction. The first materials are limestones and clays. Both of them should be soften by crusher and it changes as a powder. The finished powder required to be mixed in order to change the texture using the heater. Second, the hot and soft powder is filtered by the grinder to be the cement as the main material. Next, it packed in a couple of bags and ready to distribute. the process continue to aim the concrete product. First, it requires some collaboration between cement and water. The contain approximate 15% and 10% respectively. To mix it, it also needs another nature contents like sand in proportion 25% and small stones 50%. After a whole things have been inserted, it directly process by the concrete mixer and deliver the new material.
The supplied pictures capture
Possible agreement error. The noun phase seems to be countable; consider using: "several phases".
several phase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
production from the raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
and using the particular tools. Another step showcase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is mixed
with another content for the ingredients of construction.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are limestones and clays. Both of them should be
Consider using the past participle "softened"?
soften
by crusher and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
as a powder. The finished powder required to
be mixed
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the texture using the heater. Second, the hot and soft powder
is filtered
by the grinder to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
as the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
.
Next
, it packed in a couple of bags and ready to distribute.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
process continue to aim the concrete product.
First
, it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
collaboration between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
and water.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'contain' is correct. If 'contain' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The contain
approximate 15% and 10%
respectively
. To mix it, it
also
needs another nature contents like sand in proportion 25% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stones 50%. After a whole
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
have
been inserted
, it
directly
Did you mean "processes"?
process
by the concrete mixer and deliver the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic the diagrams below show the stages and aquipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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