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The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v.3

The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v. 3
The flowchart illustrates the steps that a high school graduate needs to follow to get admitted to the university. As can be seen, there are various steps that a high school degree holder has to go through to be accepted as a university student. Once a student completes his high school course, he needs to complete an application form to apply for the university and this application form could be downloaded from the university website. Candidates then need to send the application to the administration. Applicants receive a reply two weeks later and the reply includes a rejection, an acceptance or a provisional acceptance. Candidates who get a rejection can either apply for a different course or can cancel their applications. On the other hand, provisional acceptance means more documentations are required. When a candidate receives an acceptance, the applicant needs to select a subject, and then register with the dean. When all these steps are completed, a candidate is ready to start his university life.
The flowchart illustrates the steps that a high school graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to follow to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there are various steps that a high school degree holder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go through to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student.

Once a student completes his high school course, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to complete an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
form to apply for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
form could
be downloaded
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
website.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Candidates
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
to the administration. Applicants receive a reply two weeks later and the reply includes a rejection, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acceptance
or a provisional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acceptance
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Candidates
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a rejection can either apply for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
course or can cancel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
.
On the other hand
, provisional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acceptance
means more documentations
are required
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
receives an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acceptance
, the applicant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to select a subject, and then register with the dean. When all these steps
are completed
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
is ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
life.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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