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The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v.2

The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v. 2
The flow chart depicts the steps involved in getting admitted in a university for high school graduates. Overall, to get admitted to the university someone must have a high school degree and finally, the Dean of the university approves the admission. Getting back to details, high school graduates first need to download the application form from the university website and then fill it up. The filled application forms are then sent to the admin. The admin department either accepts an application or declines it. There are two types of acceptance – complete enrolment and provisional acceptance. Those who have been provisionally accepted need to submit more documentations within 2 weeks to the admin department. Their papers are then reexamined. Those who are accepted for complete enrolment then select their preferred subjects and register with the dean of the university. At the last step, the students get admitted to the university. On the contrary, applicants who are rejected are either given the chance to apply for an alternative course and go through the same steps again or their applications are discarded.
The flow chart depicts the steps involved in getting admitted in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for high school graduates.
Overall
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a high school degree and
finally
, the Dean of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
approves the admission.

Getting back to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, high school graduates
first
need to download the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
form from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
website and then fill it up. The filled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
forms are then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the admin. The admin department either accepts an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
or declines it. There are two types of acceptance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
complete
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
and provisional acceptance. Those who have been
provisionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
need to submit more documentations within 2 weeks to the admin department. Their papers are then reexamined. Those who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for complete
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
then select their preferred subjects and register with the dean of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. At the last step, the students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
On the contrary
, applicants who
are rejected
are either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to apply for an alternative course and go through the same steps again or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
are discarded
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
180 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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