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the diagram shows how an office building looks at the present and the plan for its future development v.2

the diagram shows how an office building looks at the present and the plan for its future development v. 2
The map demonstrates the present looks of an office building and how it will be constructed during next coming years. As can be seen in the graph that there are two grasslands just next to the right and left sides of this building respectively, and its only entrance is closed to the right side’s grass. When you enter it, you will first see there is a reception desk in front of the entrance where the bathroom is right behind it. Walking into the hall and turn right, you will see the hall are divided into two parts by a corridor. One in the entrance’s side is the office area, where is made of four office rooms. In the opposite side, the kitchen, a canteen and a stockroom just right over there which is very convenient for the staffs. It is easily noticed that there are some changes in the future plan. The two grasslands both disappeared and the right one was designed as outside activity area where all the staffs can relax there after work, while the left one will be constructed as the tea room and the meeting area where there will be some coffee machines, chairs, and tables there. What is more, the entrance and also the reception desk will be moved to the middle place of the building. Therefore, the bathroom is canceled and the original four-office-room areas are changed into two big offices which are on the two sides of the entrance. Moreover, the kitchen and the canteen are also planned as office rooms.
The map demonstrates the present looks of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
building and how it will
be constructed
during
next
coming years.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graph that there are two grasslands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
next
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
of this building
respectively
, and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
is closed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
side’s grass. When you enter it, you will
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there is a reception desk in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
where the bathroom is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
behind it. Walking into the hall and turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the hall
are divided
into two parts by a corridor. One in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance’s
side is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, where
is made
of four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
rooms. In the opposite side, the kitchen, a canteen and a stockroom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "over".
right over
there which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for the staffs.

It is
easily
noticed that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the future plan. The two grasslands both disappeared and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
one
was designed
as outside activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where all the staffs can relax there after work, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
one will
be constructed
as the tea room and the meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coffee machines, chairs, and tables there.
What is more
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
and
also
the reception desk will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the middle place of the building.
Therefore
, the bathroom
is canceled
and the original four-office-room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
which are on the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
.
Moreover
, the kitchen and the canteen are
also
planned as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
rooms.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic the diagram shows how an office building looks at the present and the plan for its future development v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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