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The chart below shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter of 2010. v.2

The chart below shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter of 2010. v. 2
The chart represents the amount of income made by a bank that is located in three places (Newhaven, Brighton and Seaford) in the first quarter of 2010. Overall, the amount of profit had witnessed the periodic fluctuation. Among the fluctuation, Newhaven and Brighton showed an increasing trend with its profits, whereas Seaford branch' s profit declined over a period given. Looking in details for Newhaven and Brighton located branches had made an increasing trend in its profits within three months. In January, Newhaven and Brighton had profited of about $25, 000 and around $22, 000 respectively, before it declined to $20, 000 for Newhaven and approximately $16, 000 or Brighton in February. By March, both branches increased with its profits to record at $35, 000 for Brighton and the highest profit was made by Newhaven branch of $40, 000 in the same month. In contrast, the amount of sales revenue made by Seaford branch was the lowest in January and March. In January, Seaford branch had the sales revenue of below $15, 000 and by March it recorded at about $12, 000 profits. However, Seaford branch had the highest sales revenue in February of around $27, 000.
The chart represents the amount of income made by a bank that
is located
in three places (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
, Brighton and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seaford
) in the
first
quarter of 2010.

Overall
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
had witnessed the periodic fluctuation. Among the fluctuation,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
and Brighton
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increasing trend with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
, whereas
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seaford
Possible spelling mistake found.
branch&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
declined over a period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

Looking in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
and Brighton located
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branches
had made an increasing trend in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
within three months. In January,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
and Brighton had profited of about $25, 000 and around $22, 000
respectively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it declined to $20, 000 for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
and approximately $16, 000 or Brighton in February. By March, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branches
increased with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
to record at $35, 000 for Brighton and the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
was made
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newhaven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
of $40, 000 in the same month.

In contrast
, the amount of sales revenue made by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seaford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
was the lowest in January and March. In January,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seaford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
had the sales revenue of below $15, 000 and by March it recorded at about $12, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seaford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
branch
had the highest sales revenue in February of around $27, 000.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter of 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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