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The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v.4

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 4
The diagrams illustrate how cement is produced and also an example of cement utilisation produced to make concrete to use in a form of construction. To begin with, cement is produced by combining raw materials like limestone, clay, which are processed in a tool called crusher. Those all items are mixed together to create a perfect blend. The blend, furthermore, goes into to a rotating heater. As it is in the rotating heater tube, heat is introduced from the end of the tube before the blend is actually dropped onto grinder. Then, after all the systemic process, the mixture turns into some cement which is then packed into bags. Meanwhile, to create concrete, the main components of construction systems are gravel, cement, water, sand and a concrete mixer to blend all the materials. Gravel or small stone is the major and biggest component needed and accounts for 50% among all materials. There are, however, some other materials like the sand which is mainly used and comes in the second place and is accounted halved from gravel, followed by cement and water. The cement accounts for 15% compared to among all materials used to construct a new real construction. All the material is mixed together by a concrete mixer. Overall, the steps of making cement are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production requires mixing required components in the right proportion in a simpler machine. While heat is required to produce cement, no heat penetration during the combination period of making concrete is required.
The diagrams illustrate how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is produced
and
also
an example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
produced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concrete to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in a form of construction.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is produced
by combining raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
like limestone, clay, which
are processed
in a tool called crusher. Those all items
are mixed
together to create a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blend
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blend
,
furthermore
, goes into to a rotating heater. As it is in the rotating heater tube, heat
is introduced
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the tube
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blend
is actually dropped onto grinder. Then,
after all
the systemic process, the mixture turns into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
which is then packed into bags.

Meanwhile, to create concrete, the main components of construction systems are gravel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, water, sand and a concrete mixer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blend
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
. Gravel or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stone is the major and biggest component needed and accounts for 50% among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
. There are,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
like the sand which is
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the second place and
is accounted
halved from gravel, followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
and water. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
accounts for 15% compared to among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to construct a new real construction. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
is mixed
together by a concrete mixer.

Overall
, the steps of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production requires mixing required components in the right proportion in a simpler machine. While heat
is required
to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, no heat penetration during the combination period of making concrete
is required
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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