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The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v.2

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 2
The two diagrams illustrate the cement-making process. We can see from the given illustration that cement is manufactured first, and then it's used in the concrete production. In the first diagram, we can see that limestone is the raw material with which clay added. Firstly, the two materials are crushed to form the powder. Then this powder passes through a mixer and a heater through which the powder is exposed to flame. The powder now is in the form of a paste. This paste is grinded to be cement to pass through the last process; packing in bags. The second diagram shows that cement can be used to produce concrete. This process is simpler than cement production; concrete is a mixture of 15% cement, 10 % water, 25% sand and 50 % small stones which are named as "Gravel". The four elements are poured in a huge mixer which rotates producing concrete. We can see that once the cement is produced by several steps and equipment, it can be used in other less complicated processes, for instance, concrete production.
The two diagrams illustrate the cement-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is manufactured
first
, and then it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the concrete production.

In the
first
diagram, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that limestone is the raw material with which clay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
.
Firstly
, the two materials
are crushed
to form the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
powder
. Then this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
powder
passes through a mixer and a heater through which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
powder
is exposed
to flame. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
powder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is in the form of a paste. This paste is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "ground", the past tense form of the verb 'grind'?
grinded
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
to pass through the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
; packing in bags.

The second diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce concrete. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
is simpler than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
production; concrete is a mixture of 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, 10 % water, 25% sand and 50 %
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stones which
are named
as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Gravel
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. The four elements
are poured
in a huge mixer which rotates producing concrete. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is produced
by several steps and equipment, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in other less complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
,
for instance
, concrete production.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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