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The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v.3

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 3
These two diagrams reveal the flow diagrams of both cement and concrete production processes with necessary equipment and materials that are used. Mainly, both processes have similarities and differences. They are similar because each of them has more than one input and a single output. On the other hand, they differ in the number of production steps. In the cement production diagram, firstly, limestone and clay are gathered and passed through a crusher. Then, the powder obtained from crusher is moved to the mixer to make a homogene mixture. Next, rotating heater welcomes the material from the mixer. After heating step, resulting material flows on the grinder. Finally, cement becomes ready to be packed in bags at the end of the grinder. In the concrete production diagram, the process contains only one step to have concrete material that is mixing. Cement, water, sand and gravel which is a general name for small stones are all mixed in a rotating concrete mixer in precise proportions such as 15%, 10%, 25% and 50% respectively.
These two diagrams reveal the flow diagrams of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
and concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
processes with necessary equipment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Mainly
, both processes have similarities and differences. They are similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each of them has more than one input and a single output.
On the other hand
, they differ in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
steps.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
diagram,
firstly
, limestone and clay
are gathered
and passed through a crusher. Then, the powder obtained from crusher is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the mixer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
homogene
mixture.
Next
, rotating heater welcomes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
from the mixer. After heating step, resulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
flows on the grinder.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
becomes ready to
be packed
in bags at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the grinder.

In the concrete
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production
diagram, the process contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one step to have concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
that is
mixing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cement
, water, sand and gravel which is a general name for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stones are all mixed in a rotating concrete mixer in precise proportions such as 15%, 10%, 25% and 50%
respectively
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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