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The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001. v.1

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001. v. 1
A glance at the three given graphs reveals some differences among the expenditures per year of a British school in a period of three years: 1981, 1991, 2001. Overall, it can be seen that there are many trends that are obviously illustrated in those charts: upward, downward and both upward and downward. The changes of those features can be divided into two main groups on account of their trends: single trend and couple trends group. Starting with the first group, insurance and other workers’ salaries, in 1981, the insurance only took two percent of the total, however, in twenty years later, the number experienced a considerable growth of six percent to eight percent. Unlike the insurance, the salaries of other workers witnessed a respective drop from approximately thirty percent to a mere fifteen percent in about twenty years. Moving on to the second group, we can see that both teachers-salaries’ and resources’ proportions significantly fluctuated. In the first ten years of the period, the numbers rose five and ten percent to reach fifty and twenty percent, however, slipped dramatically in the next years from fifty to forty-five and from twenty to a mere nine percent. In contrast, furniture and equipment spending first experienced a decrease and then quickly climbed from five percent in 1991 to twenty percent, a growth of eighteen percent. It is interesting to note that through approximately twenty years, the total spending on different things of this UK school changed considerably.
A glance at the three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graphs reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences among the expenditures per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of a British school in a period of three years: 1981, 1991, 2001.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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trends
that are
obviously
illustrated in those charts: upward, downward and both upward and downward. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of those features can
be divided
into two main groups on account of their
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trends
: single
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trend
and couple
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trends
group.

Starting with the
first
group, insurance and other workers’ salaries, in 1981, the insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
took two
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percent
of the total,
however
, in twenty years later, the number experienced a considerable growth of six
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percent
to eight
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percent
. Unlike the insurance, the salaries of other workers witnessed a respective drop from approximately thirty
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percent
to a mere fifteen
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percent
in about twenty years.

Moving on to the second group, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that both teachers-salaries’ and resources’ proportions
significantly
fluctuated. In the
first
ten years of the period, the numbers rose five and ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to reach fifty and twenty
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percent
,
however
, slipped
dramatically
in the
next
years from fifty to forty-five and from twenty to a mere nine
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percent
.
In contrast
, furniture and equipment spending
first
experienced a decrease and then
quickly
climbed from five
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percent
in 1991 to twenty
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percent
, a growth of eighteen percent.

It is interesting to note that through approximately twenty years, the total spending on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things of this UK school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
considerably
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001. v. 1

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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