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The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008. v.1

The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008. v. 1
The given pie chart presents the consumption as well as sources of different forms of renewable energy in the USA from 1949 to 2008. Overall, the total energy consumed in different forms show rose with many fluctuations during this period. If we see the graph in detail, we can categorise the data into two groups. The first group includes hydroelectric power and wood energy consumption. We can see that rate of energy consumed by hydroelectric power is higher compared to wood energy. In 1949 both energy lines touch almost the same rate of consumption, which over years pass through many ups and downs and in 2008 again match the values with the difference of around point one percent. The second group comprises biofuels and wind energy. Both lines show almost the same trend of stability between 1949 and 1980 and then sharp rise afterwards. In 2008 grading, the consumption of biofuels was little higher than the wind energy. To summarise all above information, we can say that hydroelectric power was the most popular source of energy and wind power was the least. The trend of all energy forms is increased overall but in an irregular manner. Another interesting thing can be noticed that consumption of wind and biofuels remains at zero level between 1949 and 1980.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart presents the
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consumption
as well
as sources of
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different
forms of renewable
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energy
in the USA from 1949 to 2008.
Overall
, the total
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energy
consumed in
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different
forms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
rose with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fluctuations during this period. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the graph in detail, we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorise' is British English.
categorise
the data into two groups.

The
first
group includes hydroelectric
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power
and wood
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energy
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consumption
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that rate of
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energy
consumed by hydroelectric
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power
is higher compared to wood
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energy
. In 1949 both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
lines touch almost the same rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
, which over years pass through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ups and downs and in 2008 again match the values with the difference of around point one percent.

The second group comprises biofuels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Both lines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
almost the same trend of stability between 1949 and 1980 and then sharp rise afterwards. In 2008 grading, the
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consumption
of biofuels was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
higher than the
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wind
energy.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
all above information, we can say that hydroelectric
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power
was the most popular source of
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energy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
was the least. The trend of all
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energy
forms
is increased
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Consider replacing "in an irregular manner" with the adverb for "irregular"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an irregular manner
. Another interesting thing can
be noticed
that
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consumption
of
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wind
and biofuels remains at zero level between 1949 and 1980.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The diagram shows the consumption of renewable energy in the USA from 1949-2008. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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