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The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by fore types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007 v.2

The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by fore types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007 v. 2
The bar charts show how many people were influenced by four types of noise pollution namely traffic, train, aircraft, and industry during daytime and nighttime in urban and rural areas in 2007. Overall, it is clear that the number of people affected by traffic noise was generally the highest among the four surveyed and they witnessed the influence mostly during the day. Units are measured in millions of people. Daytime noise by traffic affected 64 million people in cities, compared to just 34 people in the countryside. At night, the figure influenced 48 citizens in downtowns, almost doubled the figure for rural areas. Noise pollution caused by train affected slightly fewer people than the former in both cities and rural areas, at 10 million and 8 million people respectively during daytime and at 8 billion and 6 billion people respectively during nighttime. Just a few people affected by noise caused by aircraft, only 4 million people in cities during the day and 1 million people at night. The figure for the countryside was two times lower than the former during the daytime, at 2 million, and as same as that at night. Rural citizens were not affected by noise from industry; however, 1 million city people experienced industrial noise during the daytime, 4 times the number affected at night.
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
were influenced
by four types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution
namely
traffic, train, aircraft, and industry during
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daytime
and nighttime in urban and
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rural
areas in 2007.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that the number of
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people
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affected
by traffic
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noise
was
generally
the highest among the four
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
surveyed and
they witnessed the influence
mostly
during the day. Units
are measured
in
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millions
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Daytime
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noise
by traffic
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affected
64
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million
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people
in
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cities
, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
34
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people
in the countryside. At
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night
, the figure influenced 48 citizens in
Possible spelling mistake found.
downtowns
, almost doubled the figure for
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rural
areas.
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Noise
pollution caused by train
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affected
slightly
fewer
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people
than the former in both
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cities
and
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rural
areas, at 10
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million
and 8
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respectively
during
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daytime
and at 8 billion and 6 billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respectively
during nighttime.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
a few
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people
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affected
by
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noise
caused by aircraft,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4
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million
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people
in
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cities
during the day and 1
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million
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people
at
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night
. The figure for the countryside was two times lower than the former during the
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daytime
, at 2
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million
, and as same as that at
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night
.
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Rural
citizens were not
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affected
by
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noise
from industry;
however
, 1
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million
city
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people
experienced industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
during the
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daytime
, 4 times the number
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affected
at
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night
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by fore types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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