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The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v.4

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 4
The bar chart compares male and female students in Australia in terms of their fields of study in the year of 1995. Arts and Humanities was the most popular subject among women, with nearly 20% of Australia female chose this subject in 1995, while the percentage of male students studied this was smaller (around 13%). The proportion of women majored in Health was significantly larger than their male counterparts, with a figure of 15% and less than 5% respectively. On the contrary, the difference between the figures for male and female enrolled in Business Studies was much more trivial (8% and 9% respectively). Education also has more female students than males. The widest gap was seen in Engineering: there are about 19 per cent of men enrolled, which was almost ten-fold of the percentage of women (around 2%). In fields like Computing and Math and Sciences, male students remarkably outnumbered female students as well. 10 per cent of men chose Computing as their major, while women who did the same only accounted for less than 5 per cent of the total female population. And in terms of Maths and Sciences, the proportion of male and female was 14% and 7% respectively. Overall, female students in Australia were more inclined to enter fields like Art and Humanities, Health, and Education, while majors like Engineering, Computing, and Math and Sciences were more ideal for men.
The bar chart compares male and
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female
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students
in Australia in terms of their fields of study in the year of 1995.

Arts and Humanities was the most popular subject among
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women
, with
nearly
20% of Australia
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female
chose this subject in 1995, while the percentage of male
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students
studied this was smaller (around 13%). The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
majored in Health was
significantly
larger than their male counterparts, with a figure of 15% and less than 5%
respectively
.
On the contrary
, the difference between the figures for male and
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female
enrolled in Business Studies was much more trivial (8% and 9%
respectively
). Education
also
has more
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female
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students
than males.

The widest gap was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Engineering: there are about 19 per cent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enrolled, which was almost ten-fold of the percentage of
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women
(around 2%). In fields like Computing and Math and Sciences, male
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students
remarkably
outnumbered
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female
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students
as well
. 10 per cent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
chose Computing as their major, while
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women
who did the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accounted for less than 5 per cent of the total
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female
population. And in terms of
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
and Sciences, the proportion of male and
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female
was 14% and 7%
respectively
.

Overall
,
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Australia were more inclined to enter fields like Art and Humanities, Health, and Education, while majors like Engineering, Computing, and Math and Sciences were more ideal for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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