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The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v.1

The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v. 1
The bar graph compares the sales of four book genres between 2002 to 2012. Overall, history books vend increased remarkably while the admiration for hobby related books declined over the period. As is presented in the illustration, history books had the highest demand in the market as it made more than 4000 trades in 2002. In this year the sale of hobby related books was the lowest, less than 1000, while entertainment and art books each recorded around 2000 sales volume. After 4 years, history books trade doubled while art and entertainment categories each made approximately 3000 sales. Hobby books’ demand slightly increased in 2002 but dropped in 2004. In all the following years, the sales of hobby books remained constant and had always been the lowest around 200 sales. On the contrary, history books’ sale reached to over 10, 000 in 2008, the peak for the sale of any genre of books, and finally stood at around 9. 5 thousand in 2012. Moreover, demand for entertainment and art books were almost the same in 2006 and 2008, just over 3000, but on the subsequent years, art books sales outranked the entertainment books sales.
The bar graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
genres
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2002 and 2012".
between 2002 to 2012
.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
vend increased
remarkably
while the admiration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
declined over the period.

As
is presented
in the illustration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
had the highest demand in the market as it made more than 4000 trades in 2002. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
was the lowest, less than 1000, while entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
each recorded around 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
volume. After 4 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
trade doubled while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and entertainment categories each made approximately 3000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books’
demand
slightly
increased in 2002
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
dropped in 2004. In all the following years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
remained constant and had always been the lowest around 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
reached to over 10, 000 in 2008, the peak for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of any genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, and
finally
stood at around 9. 5 thousand in 2012.
Moreover
, demand for entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were almost the same in 2006 and 2008,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 3000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the subsequent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
outranked the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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