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The chart shows the percentage of students at high school in the United States who regularly take part in certain sports. v.2

The chart shows the percentage of students at high school in the United States who regularly take part in certain sports. v. 2
The presented bar graph demonstrates data about proportion of students, divided by gender, who engage in five kinds of sports classified into baseball, basketball, table tennis, badminton and swimming at university in the US. The data is calibrated with percentage. The most striking feature to be observed is that, the sport with the most significant difference between genders is baseball and swimming. Baseball is also most popular sport for boys while the majority of girls prefer going swimming pool. Looking the data in more detail, it is clear that the most popular sport among boys is baseball, which participation rate reaches just under a half. A small minority of girls takes part in baseball, this is approximately 10%. More than a third of boys also enjoy playing basketball. With regarding to table tennis and badminton, more girls take part in these sports which shows a difference of about 3% and 16%, respectively. While nearly 40% of girls prefer swimming, fewer boys participate in this sport- about 20% compared to 40% of girls
The presented bar graph demonstrates data about proportion of students, divided by gender, who engage in five kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classified into baseball, basketball, table tennis, badminton and swimming at university in the US. The data
is calibrated
with percentage.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
most striking feature to
be observed
is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with the most significant difference between genders is baseball and swimming. Baseball is
also
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
while the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer going swimming pool.

Looking the data in more detail, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
is baseball, which participation rate reaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under a half. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in baseball, this is approximately 10%. More than a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
also
enjoy playing basketball.

With
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
table tennis and badminton, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a difference of about 3% and 16%,
respectively
. While
nearly
40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer swimming, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
participate in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport-
about 20% compared to 40% of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
girls
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of students at high school in the United States who regularly take part in certain sports. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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