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The pie charts below show the types of music media used from 1990 to 2010. v.1

The pie charts below show the types of music media used from 1990 to 2010. v. 1
The given diagrams show how the music had been stored and listened to using different storage units in three different decades with a 10 years interval. As can be seen, CD dominated the music storage in the 90s while MP3 became the primary means of music recording in 2010. As is observed from the given illustration, Compact Disk (abbreviated as CD) was the most widely used storage type to save and retrieve songs in the 90s. In this year more than half of the music was stored and sold using this media. One-quarter use of Cassette for music enlisted it as the second most popular music media in this year while Vinyl Record was used to record the least percentages of music. After ten years, the scenario changed dramatically and Vinyl Record and cassette were no longer used. The CD consumed the whole market and its use increased remarkably to 95% for music. MP3 was introduced in this year but only 5% of its usage to store music reflects its scarcity at that time. Finally, in 2010, MP3, also known as Digital Audio, consumed the market of CD and 60% use of this media indicates its huge popularity in the 2010s. Interestingly the Vinyl Record was back in this decade with its 5% market share to store music while the CD was still the second popular music storage type though observed a significant decrease of its use compared to 10 years ago.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagrams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how the
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music
had
been stored
and listened to using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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storage
units in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
decades with a 10 years interval. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, CD dominated the
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music
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storage
in the 90s while MP3 became the primary means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
recording in 2010.

As
is observed
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, Compact Disk (abbreviated as
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CD)
was the most
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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storage
type to save and retrieve songs in the 90s. In this
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year
more than half of the
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music
was stored
and sold using
Did you mean "these"?
this
media. One-quarter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Cassette for
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music
enlisted it as the second most popular
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music
media in this
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year
while Vinyl
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Record
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
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record
the least percentages of
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music
. After ten years, the scenario
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
and Vinyl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Record
and cassette were no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. The CD consumed the whole market and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
increased
remarkably
to 95% for
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music
. MP3
was introduced
in this
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of its usage to store
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music
reflects its scarcity at that time.
Finally
, in 2010, MP3,
also
known as Digital Audio, consumed the market of CD and 60%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this media indicates its huge popularity in the 2010s.
Interestingly
the Vinyl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Record
was back in this decade with its 5% market share to store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while the CD was
still
the second popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storage
type though observed a significant decrease of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
compared to 10 years ago.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the types of music media used from 1990 to 2010. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
242 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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