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The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v.3

The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v. 3
The bar chart presents information on Medical research funding in Someland while the second graph shows the number of death in this area from six diseases in 1990. Overall, the highest amount of funding was allocated to research AIDS while the highest death could be observed from TB, a disease. As is presented in the first graph, more than 400 million was funded in Someland’s Medical research and out of this approximately 175 million went on AIDS funding. Leprosy and Tropical Diseases funding amounted about 75 million each and the lowest funding was allowed for TB. Malaria and Diarrhea finding received 50 and 60 million consecutively. The second graph shows that the highest number of death in Someland was caused by TB. It shows a relationship between the Medical research funding on a disease and the death caused by this diseases in this area. Since the lowest amount was funded for TB, the highest number of death was caused by this diseases. A very similar trend could be observed for all the other diseases and the lowest number of death was from AIDS which got the highest Medical research funding in Someland.
The bar chart presents information on
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Medical
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research
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funding
in
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Someland
while the second graph
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shows
the
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number
of death in this area from six
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diseases
in 1990.
Overall
, the highest amount of
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funding
was allocated
to
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research
AIDS while the highest death could
be observed
from TB, a disease.

As
is presented
in the
first
graph, more than 400
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million
was funded
in
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Someland
’s
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Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and out of this approximately 175
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million
went on AIDS
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funding
. Leprosy and Tropical
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Diseases
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funding
amounted about 75
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million
each and the lowest
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funding
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for TB. Malaria and Diarrhea finding received 50 and 60
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million
consecutively
.

The second graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the highest
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number
of death in
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Someland
was caused
by TB. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a relationship between the
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Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
on a
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disease
and the death caused by
Did you mean "these"?
this
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diseases
in this area. Since the lowest amount
was funded
for TB, the highest
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number
of death
was caused
by
Did you mean "these"?
this
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diseases
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar trend could
be observed
for all the other
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diseases
and the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of death was from AIDS which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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