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The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v.1

The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v. 1
The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990 and the amount of research funding allotted to each of those diseases. It can be clearly seen that the amount of research funding in many cases did not correlate with the seriousness of the disease in terms of numbers of deaths. In 1990, about 0. 2 million people died from AIDS, 0. 1 million from leprosy and 0. 3 million from tropical diseases. The death count in this year in Someland was 0. 5 million from diarrhoea, 0. 4 million from malaria and 1. 8 million deaths from TB. These figures can be contrasted with the amount of funding allocated for each disease. In 1990, 180 million dollars were used for researching ailments for AIDS, which was the highest amount. This year 80 million was spent for leprosy research, 79 million for tropical diseases, 60 million for diarrhoea. Somelander authority spent 50 million dollars for malaria research and allowed TB research 20 million dollars, the lowest amount in researching diseases. In summary, it is clear that funding allocation for disease research in Someland is not wholly determined by the number of deaths for which each disease is responsible in a given year. (This model
The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six
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diseases
in
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Someland
in 1990 and the
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amount
of
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research
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funding
allotted to each of those
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diseases
. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases did not correlate with the seriousness of the
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disease
in terms of numbers of deaths.

In 1990, about 0. 2
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from AIDS, 0. 1
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million
from leprosy and 0. 3
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million
from tropical
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diseases
. The death count in this year in
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Someland
was 0. 5
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million
from
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diarrhoea
, 0. 4
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million
from malaria and 1. 8
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million
deaths from TB. These figures can
be contrasted
with the
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amount
of
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funding
allocated for each
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disease
. In 1990, 180
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million
dollars were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for researching ailments for AIDS, which was the highest
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amount
. This year 80
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million
was spent
for leprosy
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research
, 79
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million
for tropical
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diseases
, 60
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million
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'diarrhoea' is British English.
diarrhoea
.
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Somelander
authority spent 50
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million
dollars for malaria
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research
and
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allowed
TB
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research
20
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million
dollars, the lowest
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amount
in researching diseases.

In summary, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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funding
allocation for
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disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in
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Someland
is not wholly determined by the number of deaths for which each
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disease
is responsible in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year.

Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
This model
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The charts below show the Medical research funding amount in millions of Dollars in Someland and also shows the death number for this area. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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