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The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v.3

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v. 3
The diagrams outline why students from different age groups study and the support they get from their employers. Overall, having a good career is the main reason for young to study while it is personal interest for grown-ups. Moreover, young employees get more support from their employers regarding their education. According to the first bar graph, people who are under 40 years old mostly study for the career while people over 49 years mainly study for their interest. Interestingly for the age group 40 to 49, the number of people who study for career and the number of people who study for interest is the same. 80% students under 26 years continue their education to build a career. 7 out of ten students over 49 years old do so for their interest, rather than the career. Graph 2 shows that more than 60% students under 26 years old get support from their employers for their education and this supports includes the time off and monetary supports they get. This percentage reduces with the increase of age and at 30-39 age group, 32% get the support from the employers. After that, the employers’ support for their employees’ education increases and reaches to 45% for the over 49 year’s age group.
The diagrams outline why
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students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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groups
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study
and the
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support
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
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employers
.
Overall
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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career
is the main reason for young to
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study
while it is personal
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interest
for grown-ups.
Moreover
, young employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
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support
from their
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employers
regarding their education.

According to the
first
bar graph,
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people
who are under 40 years
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old
mostly
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study
for the
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career
while
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people
over 49 years
mainly
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study
for their
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interest
.
Interestingly
for the
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age
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group
40 to 49, the number of
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people
who
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study
for
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career
and the number of
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people
who
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study
for
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interest
is the same. 80%
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students
under 26 years continue their education to build a
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career
. 7 out of ten
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students
over 49 years
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old
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for their
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interest
,
rather
than the career.

Graph 2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 60%
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students
under 26 years
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old
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get
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support
from their
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employers
for their education and this
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supports
includes the time off and monetary
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supports
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. This percentage
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reduces
with the increase of
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age
and at 30-39
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age
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group
, 32%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. After that, the
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employers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for their employees’ education increases and reaches to 45% for the over 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they receive from employers. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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