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The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973, Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973,
The graph shows the cost of both the television, average salary of the month. The cursory glance at the graph is enough to state that monthly wage kept on increasing, while the price of both the television declined continuously. With regards to Monthly salary, it initiated in 1953 and then dramatically inclined and reached it zenith point at around 180, 000 Yen in 1973. In 1963, the salary gradually escalated to about 95, 000 Yen. In addition to that, it could be observed that the rise in the salary was approximately 9 time 1973. In contrast, a sharp reduction was found in cost of Black and White TV. It embarked on 100, 000 yen in 1953 and fell to around 30, 000 Yen in 1975. The price of Color TV dropped to nearly 30, 000 Yen in 1953, down to 70, 000 Yen from 1953. Overall, both the Black and White as well as Color TV declined during the given time period, whereas there was drastic growth in average monthly salary.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the cost of both the television, average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of the month. The cursory glance at the graph is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to state that monthly wage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing, while the price of both the television declined
continuously
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
Monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, it initiated in 1953 and then
dramatically
inclined and reached it zenith point at around 180, 000 Yen in 1973. In 1963, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
gradually
escalated to about 95, 000 Yen.
In addition
to that, it could
be observed
that the rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
was approximately 9 time 1973.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, a sharp reduction
was found
in cost of Black and White TV. It embarked on 100, 000 yen in 1953 and fell to around 30, 000 Yen in 1975. The price of Color TV dropped to
nearly
30, 000 Yen in 1953, down to 70, 000 Yen from 1953.

Overall
, both the Black and White
as well
as Color TV declined during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period, whereas there was drastic growth in average monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973,

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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